Today we dig a little deeper into our habits and the importance of leaning into our tendencies to ensure we commit to the habits we want to achieve, start them effectively, and maintain them efficiently.

If you didn’t read the previous post, Building Better Habits, I highly recommend you do so in order to get a good understanding of habit formation and how to maximize your results.

Alright, now that you’re all caught up on your reading assignment, let’s talk about tendencies.

As you recall, Gretchen Rubin explains in her book, The Four Tendencies, that most people align with one of four tendencies in our character or way of being – The Upholder, the Questioner, the Obliger, or the Rebel.

If you go to Gretchen’s website and take the quiz, you’ll quickly learn which tendency you embody. Some of you may find it is right on and makes perfect sense, while others may feel the label doesn’t fit just right. Either way, let’s take a closer look at each tendency and you can decide which one fits you best.

But before we do that, consider why understanding your tendency can help you with your habit building so you can amplify the aspects that help you and diminish the ones that hurt you in your efforts.

Remember when we talked about the effects of friction in our habit formation?

As it relates to our tendency, when we work within the attributes of our tendency, we are reducing the friction for habit formation. And when we work outside of the attributes of our tendency, we are increasing the friction, making it harder to build the habits we really want to.

Learning more about the tendences and the pros and cons of each one will help set you up for better engagement, create more energy to get started, and strengthen resilience to maintain your desired habits.

So, let’s take a closer look at the Four Tendencies and find the shortcut to build better habits.

First, let’s look at the Upholder.

1. The Upholder is all about commitment, discipline, and responsibility. It’s almost like they are competing in the Habit Olympics. They’ve never met a rule they want to break. The protocol must be maintained. Key characteristics are:
   • Responds readily to both inner and outer expectations
   • Self-motivated and disciplined
   • Reliably meets deadlines and follows through on commitments

If this sounds like you, you’re an Upholder. Congratulations, most people find you super annoying because you’re impeccable with your word, and your actions speak even louder than your words. Keep on upholding, dear friend! We need you!

2. The Questioner is a quizzical fellow because they live in a world of suspicion and skepticism. They question everything. Of course, this makes it hard to commit to a habit without some really good data to support the idea in the first place. Key characteristics are:
   • Questions all expectations, whether inner or outer
   • Requires justification and logic before committing to tasks
   • Tends to resist expectations that seem arbitrary or inefficient

If you think you’re the quizzical type, welcome to the Questioners’ Kingdom – a place where nothing makes sense until you say it does. Like the Upholders, others may find you obnoxious with all your skepticism; but hey, you need to know it aligns with your belief system before you just jump in with the rest of the crowd. Good for you!

3. Next up, the Obliger. These curious creatures are usually beloved by others because they are happy to help and feel a strong sense of keeping their word to others. And I used the word curious because they have a really hard time keeping true to themselves. They easily commit and complete tasks set by others, but consistently fail to meet their own objectives. Key characteristics are:
   • Meets outer expectations but struggles with inner expectations
   • Likely to put others’ needs ahead of their own
   • Benefits from external accountability and deadlines

If you find yourself aligning with these qualities, you are a great team player and can be relied upon for anything and everything. Just don’t be surprised if you find that you’re leaving your own dreams behind. It’s ok; it gets better.

4. And finally, the Rebel. Everyone’s favorite bad boy. These folks are the real disruptors. They see every suggestion as a challenge to their humanity, and they resist any desire to go along with the crowd. Key characteristics are:
   • Rejects both inner and outer expectations
   • Values freedom and autonomy
   • Prefers to do things their own way and on their own terms

If you are feeling like a Rebel without a pause, the others have some thoughts about you too. Upholders despise you, Questioners admire you, and Obligers secretly want to be like you.

So, which Tendency do you tend to see?

Understanding your tendency can provide insights into how you approach tasks, make decisions, and form habits. And this can be helpful in your quest for personal and professional development, communication, and creating effective strategies to form habits and meet goals.

So, now that you have a pretty good idea which Tendency you ascribe to, you’re probably wondering how to put this knowledge to good use. Let’s consider the pros and cons of each one so you can better prepare for your next habit decision.

1. Upholder:
   • Pros:
     • Excellent at forming and sticking to habits
     • Self-disciplined and reliable in meeting both inner and outer expectations
     • Thrives on structure and routine
   • Cons:
     • May struggle with flexibility and may find it challenging to adapt to unexpected changes
     • Tendency to be rigid in following rules and may face difficulty in embracing spontaneity
2. Questioner:
   • Pros:
     • Forms habits based on logical reasoning and personal justifications
     • Adopts habits that make sense to them, leading to a strong sense of commitment
     • Open to change and adjustments if convinced of the necessity
   • Cons:
     • May spend significant time questioning and analyzing before committing to a habit
     • Tendency to resist habits that seem arbitrary or lack a clear rationale
3. Obliger:
   • Pros:
     • Responds well to external accountability, making it easier to establish habits
     • Effective in forming habits when there’s a sense of responsibility to others
     • Thrives in group settings or when working with a partner
   • Cons:
     • Struggles with forming habits that solely rely on inner motivation
     • May face challenges when external accountability is absent
4. Rebel:
   • Pros:
     • Embraces freedom and creativity in forming habits
     • Thrives on spontaneity and doesn’t feel confined by rigid routines
     • May enjoy experimenting with different approaches to habit formation
   • Cons:
     • Difficulty with external expectations and structures
     • May resist habits that feel restrictive or imposed by others

Understanding these dynamics can help you tailor your approach to habit formation. It’s also valuable for creating a supportive environment that aligns with your tendencies. With that being said, let’s now look at some ways to significantly increase your likelihood of success.

Here are some shortcuts to ensure a strong start and maneuvers for maintaining habits when faced with inevitable challenges:

1. Upholder:
   • Strong Start Shortcuts:
     • Set realistic expectations and avoid perfectionism
     • Establish a clear plan with achievable milestones
     • Acknowledge that occasional deviations are acceptable
   • Maintenance Maneuvers:
     • Schedule regular reviews to ensure alignment with goals
     • Incorporate flexibility into the routine to accommodate unexpected changes
     • Celebrate small wins to maintain motivation
2. Questioner:
   • Strong Start Shortcuts:
     • Clearly define the rationale and benefits of the habit
     • Set up a trial period to test the habit’s effectiveness
     • Gather sufficient information to address any doubts
   • Maintenance Maneuvers:
     • Regularly reassess the habit’s impact and adjust if needed
     • Seek continuous learning and explore variations of the habit
     • Connect the habit to personal values to enhance intrinsic motivation
3. Obliger:
   • Strong Start Shortcuts:
     • Create external accountability through a commitment to others
     • Join a group or find a partner to share the habit journey
     • Communicate goals to friends or family for added support
   • Maintenance Maneuvers:
     • Establish consistent check-ins with an accountability partner
     • Engage in group activities to maintain motivation
     • Reflect on the positive impact of the habit on personal well-being
4. Rebel:
   • Strong Start Shortcuts:
     • Frame the habit as a choice rather than an obligation
     • Embrace variety and allow for spontaneous adjustments
     • Focus on habits that align with personal values and interests
   • Maintenance Maneuvers:
     • Rotate or modify habits to keep them interesting
     • Embrace the freedom to adapt the habit to changing preferences
     • Find joy in the process and emphasize the positive outcomes

Tailoring your approach to your tendency’s strengths and addressing potential obstacles can contribute to a more successful habit formation and maintenance journey. Experimentation and ongoing adjustments based on feedback and experiences are key elements for long-term success.

It’s also important to note that you may exhibit a blend of tendencies, and because of that strategies should be adjusted accordingly.

You’ve just absorbed a lot of new information. You may find it helpful to read through it all once more so you can determine what you think will be your best strategy for selecting and succeeding in your next endeavor of building better habits.

• So, how will you determine which Tendency you tend to see in yourself?
• How will you manage the pros and cons of your Tendency to cultivate a successful environment?
• And how will you use your strong start shortcuts and your maintenance maneuvers to succeed in your new habits?

Starting a new habit is never easy, but understanding your natural tendencies will help you become more engaged, get started smarter, and keep you on track when the going gets tough.

Use the tools you’ve just learned and see what amazing looks like as you build your new life with your new habits!